Assalamualaikum wbt.
Hi everyone. Recently I just got back from Johor sebab cuti midsem and dapat duduk semenanjung dalam 5 hari macam tu sebab ada program kat universiti. Just a day after I got back from Kuching, I got phone call from Klinik Pontian, asked me whether Im in Johor or not so I told them I was in KL sebab attend majlis sepupu. So I asked why, then dia kata something they need to check. I was hm chill lah Zahrah huhuhu.
So, I told my mom about it. She was surprised, again surprised. I acted like nothing happened. I know I was struggling to hide the real emotion. Of course, I felt curious and afraid. Tapi, I have to be strong. All possibilities can happen.
Balik je from KL, esoknya we went to Klinik Pontian, And ambil darah bagai, 3 kali kena cucuk. Second jarum was just a trial sebab tak jumpa salur darah mehgerd I hate jarum hahahaha. So mom was curious than me and she asked the doctor, what is the possibility and the doctor explained to my mom. I know she is afraid of the reality of me having this kind of sakit which I really hope it is not true. Me too. Afraid. But I told her, everything will be fine. Im good. She started to say 'Ni mesti tak makan' 'I told you to eat vegetables' 'See, this is what happened' 'Makan tak bagus, ni lah akibatnya'. All I could do was laughing and smiling and telling her everything is fine.
I know, she was being concerned to me. And she still.
So I asked her what is the biggest possibility that will happen if I get married and she said during pregnant, I may have some difficulties. I was thinking, is getting married a good idea?
I started to feel cerewet. Cerewet in every aspect of looking for a good husband. What if that, what if this, Questions are all on my mind all nights. Such as, will he stay strong when I at my low point? Will he never give up when I will? Is he actually sincere to help me? Will he always by my side when I feel so frustrated and almost give up? Will he stay when I burst into tears for some reasons? And, will he stay?
So lama-lama I dont feel excited to have a boyfriend/calon/crush/or even a husband when I think Im going to disturb his whole life with my problems (hahahahaha). Lama-lama I feel, I can handle this alone. Well seriously it helps. I feel so good. And Alhamdulillah. HE is being so generous to me, I shall thank HIM more:')
Ni lah kot caranya nak jaga hati dengan baik kan :). I watch Shinchan, Doraemon, debate videos just to make me feel better. Sometimes, I read news, just to make sure I dont have time to think about these whole things hahaha like sakit or what. And yesssss, ubat tak best langsung ei lain kali letaklah perisa strawberry ke, blueberry ke, cendol ke, durian ke. Nasib baik vitamin C rasa orange hahhh barulah I feel content and of course rasa sihat je hahaha after I eat vitamin C.
Pastu, I start to think about small things like, baju apa nak pakai esok pergi kelas, have I done my laundry ke, nak makan apa malam ni, ada orang jalan block my way what shall I do next (tapi ni ofcourse jeling je hahaha muka tak pernah tak sombong tau Zahrah hm yelah) Tapi, this is how you forget your problems. I never think about the big thing Im facing sebab I keep thinking what to do next. How to solve the small problems I have hahaha even nak pakai tudung apa pun now is my big problem hahahaha.
Okaylah nak sambung buat assignment, exam final lagi 6 minggu. Kata nak dean list kan haaahh.
Oh yes, lupa nak cakap, whatever Allah gives you, nikmat dan kepayahan, be grateful. Alhamdulillah, because some people are struggling for a good life but they are still being grateful:') Even small thing can teach you how to be grateful.
Assalamualaikum:)
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