Is it gonna worth?

 Assalamualaikum wbt. 

It's been a long time since I wrote my last post pasal braces. Alhamdulillah, I am now 25 yo, have a good career, everything is Alhamdulillah very well. All praises to Allah for all His nikmat that He gives. 

Jodoh. 

Currently I tengah kenal someone. We are having relationship. But things are pretty rough and we both like on the edge of the cliff, 5 metre away from the end. Very rough. 

I tak tahu apa yang buatkan kita berdua bertahan even though the relationship baru 2 bulan. We have been knowing each other since last December '21. Tapi everyday I rasa macam nak break. 

Lower your expectation, they said. But I cannot. 

Two weeks before we decided to be in relationship, it was very smooth sailing. First time I rasa, seminggu yang amat memudahkan. Yang membahagiakan. No drama. No fight. It's just two of us, paying attention to each other and having a great moment everyday in that one week. 

But now, ever since he went back to his kampung last three weeks, everything has changed. I was mad for not being able to reach him. I felt I wasn't his priority. 

I cuba nak positive-thinking but I just cannot. 

So I decide, I nak take a break. Or, nak break up dengan dia. 

I am not supposed to do that I know. The relationship is just two months old. It's too early. 

Memang too early, tapi I tak nak buang masa. 

Until, malam tadi I bought famous ebook in Malaysia currently to how find your imam. So, I just realized, this whole time, I was just too focusing on myself. How I felt. How I wanted. How I thought. 

Without considering his feeling, his thought, his opinions. It's like me conquering this relationship. 

Which makes me to have the high expectation on him. And that is wrong. 

So tonight, I nak implement few things yang I baca from how to find your imam. Also to implement yang I baca daripada another e-book I beli untuk jaga diri I. 

Kita cuba. Semua ni, I cuba untuk berubah. Ke arah yang lebih baik. 

Untuk kali ni, I cuba untuk fix. After fix, dan if menjadi, kita cuba untuk maintain.

If tak berjaya, then we shall move on with each other life. 

Juga, Zahrah, selagi Allah yang maha baik berikan kita peluang untuk kita berubah, kita kena cuba untuk berubah. Selagimana kita bernafas. 

Moga Allah ampunkan dosa-dosaku. Moga Allah ampunkan semua dosa-dosaku.